CATCALLED

(This is a parody post full of not-real quotes. But I hope you get the message.)

What If We Responded to Sexual Assault by Limiting Men’s Freedom Like We Limit Women’s?

Calls for Men to Be Blindfolded in Public
In response to claims that men are unable to restrain themselves from committing rape if they see women in skimpy clothing, members of law enforcement agencies around the country have called for men to blindfold themselves when they are in places where they might encounter a female wearing a tank top or a short skirt.

“For years, we have been told that men don’t understand how to respond to the sight of a woman wearing, say, gym clothes – that as far as they are concerned, if they can see the outline of her body, then that’s an invitation to sex that they are simply unable to refuse,” said one police chief. “If that’s true, then we have no choice. We want women to be safe, and there is apparently no way for some men to reasonably restrain their own behavior once they catch a glimpse of cleavage, so all men will have to cover their eyes while working out, going to bars or clubs, or relaxing at the beach.”

Popular radio “shock jocks” Skeezer and the Gooch have gone even further, arguing that men should be blindfolded at all times while in public, on the grounds that “it’s not just skimpy outfits, some dudes get turned on by random stuff like women wearing athletic jerseys and sneakers,” making situation-specific blindfolding insufficient to preserve women’s safety.

Unwise to Allow Men to Go Out Alone at Night?
A local coalition of religious leaders, concerned about recent studies showing that an average of 6% of men will commit a sexual assault during their lifetime, and that nearly all sexual assaults are committed by men on their own or in groups, are urging parents not to let their sons go out at night unless they are accompanied by a mother, sister, or trusted female friend.

Mens’ groups have responded with concern, pointing out that this may leave some men unable to complete the tasks of daily life, such as going to school, working, or socializing.

In response, the religious leaders said that they “understand that this may be an inconvenience for some men,” but that “the minor difficulties this imposes on men are nothing when compared to the lifelong horror sexual assaults cause their victims.” “Really,” said the organization’s leader, “almost any limitation on men’s freedom is better than the risk that they might sexually assault someone. That’s just common sense.”

Time to Admit That Some Jobs May Just Be Too Dangerous for Men?
Recent allegations that Jimmy Savile raped numerous children while working as a television presenter for the BBC, have led to widespread calls for television stations to avoid allowing men to do similar jobs.

“We know that not all men are rapists, and that some men can probably be trusted to present tv shows safely,” said the director of Televisions Within Borders, a professional group that promotes the welfare of TV hosts and the people they cover. “However, now we know that some men can’t. And why take the risk? There are plenty of qualified women who can do this job instead.”

Voices from the blogosphere agree. “You wouldn’t send a cocaine addict to do a Good Morning America segment about a big pile of cocaine,” said a blogger who calls himself “UltimateMindz.” “Letting men be TV presenters is basically the same thing.” That post has since been shared more than 180 times on twitter, and has garnered nearly 2000 Facebook “likes.”

Supporters of this movement point to the fact that there has not been a single recorded case of a football coach raping a child since all college football coaching staff were replaced by women after last year’s Penn State abuse scandal.

Deans of 25 prominent journalism schools have taken a more moderate position, however, urging television programs to do more segments on bodybuilders and military contractors – subjects who are seen as safe for male presenters to interact with because their physical strength leaves them less vulnerable to assault. That way, the deans argue in a widely-circulated letter, male presenters may be able to remain in their jobs, albeit in a role with less visibility and almost no opportunity for advancement.

(If you’re wondering where this post came from, see, e.g., here, here, here, and here.

I’m not saying I agree, but I hope we all begin to realize how dumb it sounds when we tell women the onus of being safe in public is on them. 

(Source: stfueverything, via talwaar)

I just wanted to say thank you for putting together such a great project. It has been of great personal interest (the women who are involved in the project are truly incredible for their generosity in sharing their experiences and reflections). And, it’s also helped a lot with two papers I did on street harassment, and will be of help for a master’s thesis that I hope to do on the topic.

hermitwithfriends:

It was late, it was dark, and I was fairly distracted by listening to 80’s music because it’s ridiculously catchy. 

Now, I rarely feel scared walking home in the dark. If that’s because I lack a self-preservation instinct or that I stubbornly chanted ‘strong independent woman’ to myself when I was 14, well, who knows?

Point is, I suddenly noticed a long shadow next to mine.

Surprised and unexpectedly terrified, I jump a little and turn around to see a buff guy walking close behind me. As my was simultaneously berating me for getting scared and planning exit routes, he simply stops, raises his hands and goes:

“I’m so sorry to scare you, I really didn’t mean to, excuse me.”

He then steps over to the other side of the road, gives me a quick smile, and keeps walking. I looked back a while later, only to see him crossing the road to step into a house on ‘my’ side.

So basically, this guy just stepped away and gave me space to make sure I felt safe, and waited long enough on the other side for me to have gotten far enough away not to be startled when he crossed again. It felt shockingly good to have a guy acknowledge that my fear response wasn’t ‘stupid’, because if he hadn’t I’d probably be bashing myself for the irrational fear that grabbed me. 

I’m not saying that all guys should do this or anything. I’m not even sure what I’m trying to say. It’s just been a while since I saw a guy outside tumblr who didn’t act like because they weren’t rapists, they had nothing to do with the issues of rape culture. Of course, I have no idea who this guy is, maybe he doesn’t know or care about these issues. But he cared enough to make an effort, and to not dismiss my response or blame me for it. To me, that’s something.

(via talwaar)

I work at a Little Caesar’s, and inevitably there are days in which the tedium of selling $5 pizzas to hordes and hordes of 15-25 year old males gets to me. I try to smile (as is the LC’s promise “To serve every customer with a smile and a perfect pizza, in 30 seconds or less, every time.”) and make conversation and be nice to my customers.

One day, I received news that my Grandma was having a fairly intense surgery for someone in as poor of health as she. She was having a few inches of her small intestine removed. I was concerned for a number of reasons. It was rattling to know that my Grandma was getting older, and that this surgery could make her very ill. On top of this, my mother told me she was getting back surgery. All of this at once just reminded me of mortality and made me think of what would happen in my mother died and so on. It was a very emotionally jarring time for me. 

I was seeing a… guy ( I refuse to call this sorry excuse for a man… a man) who was aware of my vehement rantings whenever I got catcalled on the street. He never really had much to say. In a way, it was worse than someone denying the validity of my anger towards street harassment, as it made me feel like he didn’t agree with me but was too afraid to say so. Or, even worse, I was dating a heartless, passionless person who–even if he agreed–just didn’t care that much.

At this time, his car broke down and the week-long hunting trip he had been planning with his family, whom had not seen in a half year, had to be cancelled. I felt for him. I really did. He could not see his family. I did my best to comfort him. I offered him help in getting home, I fed him a delicious home-cooked meal, tried to comfort him with hugs, and so on.

It was difficult, as I was dealing with my family’s declining health. Every person’s problems are valid, and therefore so is everyone’s pain. But, frankly, I had a hard time feeling too bad for him, as I was trying to deal with my own problems. But I also I didn’t want to burden him with my problems, so I kept this in.

Anyways, I was at work with all of these things on my mind. I was trying my best to keep a smile on, and be friendly. At one point in the day, my spirits were especially low so I wasn’t exactly chipper when selling a pizza to this older man. I was nice and pleasant, but I wasn’t grinning ear to ear or anything.

He told me to smile.

SO. EITHER he was telling me how to do my FUCKING JOB, or he was telling me to fulfill my gender role regardless of how I was feeling.

I wasn’t in the freaking mood so I said, “I will smile if I feel like smiling.”

He didn’t know what to say. If I remember correctly, he tried to poke fun at me to get me to smile, and I sort of half-smiled, and he VICTORIOUSLY STATED HOW HE GOT ME TO SMILE!!!! GREAT FOR FUCKING HIM.

Yes. I am angry about this.

I get told to smile by old, creepy men, about once every few months. When it’s at work, I don’t know how to feel. I know I’m SUPPOSED to smile because I am in customer service. I do, I really do. But sometimes I have to be a person–and not a CUSTOMER SERVICE ROBOT–and show my human side, too. I will still sell you a cheap, delicious, pizza and I will be courteous while I do it. But I may not be grinning ear to ear, as sometimes shit happens in life (like when I found out through text my uncle killed himself, all while I was at work). 

I told the guy I was seeing about it when I got home from work. He said, “You know, not everyone is trying to fuck you. I don’t know why you think that.”

WHAT. JUST WHAT.

Apparently, this old creep had every right to tell me how my face should look–despite my emotional state–based solely on the fact that I am a young female and he is an old man.

Obviously, I am not seeing this idiot anymore, but I told him off for assuming that is why I was angry with this old man. Of course I know that this old man wasn’t trying to have sex with me. He was following the gender roles that had been ingrained in him for 60 years (still not an excuse, but still. That’s why I confronted him.)

I question whether the man was justified in his request that I smile. I know that people expect people in customer service to smile when they serve them, but sometimes people have reasons for not smiling when they are in customer service. It may not be because they are grumpy, or bad at their jobs. Sometimes shit happens.

Was he right in telling me to smile? I feel that he wasn’t. And I think that counts for something. I felt indignant and uncomfortable. And I believe his reaction to my confronting him really said it all. He was so confounded that a young woman would tell him that she would only smile if she wanted to.

It made me feel even worse than I was already feeling. As if I wasn’t allowed to express my sadness, lest I offend some old man.

Welcome to CATCALLED, a collection of women’s stories about street harassment in New York City. For two weeks this August, 11 women in the city kept a log of their harassment experiences, and how the presence (or absence) of catcallers affected their actions. Their experiences may surprise you—they certainly surprised each other, and at times, even the participants themselves.

Street harassment is a tricky issue. Its interpretation is almost entirely subjective, and the experience of it can range from violated and frustrated to annoyed. Harassment itself is hard to define, as well. What’s the difference between harassment, a catcall, flirtation, and a compliment? At the same time, it’s difficult to argue that sexual harassment is anything but an unfair burden placed on women in urban spaces, and one that can be incessant and invasive.

Part of the story of this project has been discovering that most women have found a way to deal with harassment on a regular basis. Even if an individual woman may feel that the status quo is acceptable, she is usually able to point to precautions she takes to feel safe as a woman. Even if an individual woman feels flattered by catcalling, she can probably point to a situation in which she felt extremely vulnerable due to catcalling—probably as a young teenager. We believe that all women, in some way or another, have to grapple with objectification and safety in public spaces, whether that space is Central Park or Times Square.

CATCALLED is an attempt to give that struggle a voice. Over on the right you can see 11 different badges, one for each of our 11 participants. The women who wrote for this project live in four different boroughs and have a range of sexualities, ethnic backgrounds, and life experiences. There is no one place to start reading, no one person to focus on. Each participant has an introduction from me, giving you a sense of what you might get out of reading those entries; each woman has additionally highlighted her own entries, to reflect what she has found most valuable. After the project was over, all 11 participants responded to someone else’s logs for their exit interview, beginning a conversation about different experiences that we hope you continue. You can add to the dialogue by clicking respond. In addition to publishing questions, comments, and ideas on our blog, we will also be featuring readers’ daily logs—a single-day entry about street harassment. And of course, if you would like to contact us more directly, you can find out how to do that here.

We hope you get something out of this—men and women, in the city and out of it. We have learned a lot from beginning this dialogue, and we can’t wait to see how you respond.

(Source: notevenknowledgewasfoolproof)

sparepennies:

I was catcalled/hit on like four times tonight.

Once was by a guy in the library who was from Virginia and may or may not have been making polite small talk. He made a considerable effort to keep talking to me though, so I sort of doubt it.

Then, when I left the library to walk the short distance home, a man approaching me on the sidewalk said “hey, how’re you doing.” I responded reflexively with a “good, how’re you” and just barely caught the “sexy girl” that he muttered as I strode away.

A man standing what appeared to be a moving truck said “hi” to me as I passed the dining hall. Sketched out and distracted, I ignored him, for which I was rewarded with a “just saying hi.” It was 2 AM. In what universe is a “hi” from a strange man to a girl walking alone at 2 AM not threatening? I do not understand.

As I neared my building I relaxed, thinking I was in the clear, only to be greeted by a middle-aged man on sitting on his stoop on his cell phone. This may have been innocuous. He may not have even been talking to me, come to think of it, although I think he was because we made eye contact. Anyway. 

What confuses me about all this is not why I was street harassed (because let’s face it, that happens to every woman at some point - not that I’m excusing it, but that’s another story) but that I don’t remember the last time I looked as unattractive as I did tonight. My dirty hair was pulled back in the messiest ponytail known to man. I was wearing a voluminous t-shirt, flip-flops, and running shorts. I have not shaved my legs in like four days.

Anyway, I am annoyed and confused and a little amused, to be honest. Men, what even.

lolcait:

recently on facebook someone pointed out that catcalling wasn’t okay.

a (male) commenter said something along the lines of, “take the compliment and move on.”

This is basically the mentality we as a society have: that women should be grateful for sexual attention, even if it is undesired.  It’s not a compliment — it’s harassment. 

So we, women, are told that we are not beautiful enough, not physically capable enough, not perfect enough, etc., by the media, and then instructed to use harassment to bolster our self-esteem.

So let’s see how far up the line this goes.  Catcall?  Accept the compliment and move on.  A tap on the ass with a “flattering” comment?  Accept the compliment and move on.  An unwanted grope, kiss, touch of any sort?  Meant as a compliment.  Accept it and move on.  
And then what?  And then rape?  Accept the compliment and move on?   We live in a culture that wants women to be so insecure about their sexual attractiveness that harassment and assault become COMPLIMENTS?  

Check your male privilege.  Stop harassing.  Stop promoting rape culture.